Show Good, Fire Bad

The fear of all that is holy and non-holy came rushing through me Monday night as I was trying to drift off to sleep. And, for the first time in a long time, I couldn't sleep. One thing after another came through my head regarding the upcoming Nosedive show. All the things that needed to get done, all the things that I was responsible for, all the things I wasn't responsible for, but needed to keep an eye on. And, for the first time in a long time, I couldn't sleep.

I don't know when I got to bed that night, but when I did wake, didn't feel like I slept at all.

And the fear was, one of the things I realized, in essence, for Colorful World, I am Stage Manager, Tech Director, Assistant Set Designer and all things props. (I had some people lined up to help out, as per usual. However, this time around, everyone got busy or was moving, etc., etc.) I am no stranger to responsibility. But, this much, overwhelmed me for a few.

Then, I took sometime and got my crap together.

I really thought, being out of grad school, only working a 9 to 5 job, I could do this, I have plenty of time. I can take on another show with another company in between all my shows and still get things done. Yeah, I may have over estimated how much time I had time.

I now feel like I could use one more week.

But, don't we all feel that way? Even when doing any large project? Just one more week? Come on. Really? That's all I'm asking here.

And, the funny thing is, we always get things done and the finished product is much better than we could ever dream. That's what I'm hoping for here.

However, the last show I remember being this worked up about was The Adventures of Nervous Boy. And, that turned out amazing. Better than amazing. Phenomenal.

The real reason I opened up my blog today was because of my Iching reading I got for the day. From what I was just feeling, this really seemed to hit home.

So, to all my readers, there may not be that much posting over the next few. Except for promotional.

(You should come see my show. I am working really hard on it. http://www.theatermania.com/content/show.cfm/show/142889)

My Iching Reading for Today
51 Shock
General Meaning: One hears thunder unexpectedly! First comes fear, then a sharpened, clearer vision. Recall a close brush with danger - a falling branch, an automobile accident barely avoided, an escape from a potentially violent confrontation. Such incidents first arouse every nerve fiber in your body in a brief wave of terror, but soon, once the danger has passed, give way to a heightened awareness of the world. The same process also occurs with other types of shock - the loss of a job, the death of a loved one, business failure and so on.

The lasting impact of a major shock can either be stimulating or debilitating, depending upon one's inner strength of character. The critical factor is the ability to become immune to fear, thereby transforming anxiety into a laser-sharp perception of the world around you.

When overtaken by crisis, the wise search their hearts for inner strengths, in order to face the world with courage. Courage often means daring to take the unexpected path - to bounce back quickly and self-confidently after failure, to have faith in the eternal when confronted with death.

We tend to think of shock only in the context of unpleasant events. We can also be jarred, however, by the sudden release of tension which comes with unexpected success. To keep your bearings in the aftershock of either trauma or victory, it is essential that your inner compass be aligned with "true north", that magnetic force which guides you toward fulfillment of both your deepest desire, and your highest destiny.

Busy, busy, busy...

I got a little swamped and side tracked these past couple of weeks - hence no posting. Busy.

How many times have some of you heard that come out of my mouth? I am beginning to think it as more of a mantra I repeat than an actual state of being. I mean, I am out of grad school. I work a 9 to 5 job. I socialize from time to time. What the heck I am so busy at?

Making theatre.

OK, well, come on. You also probably knew that. But, I got to talking to some folks a couple of weeks ago and again, the "busy" word came up. And, one person asked me - have you had a break? To this, I pondered and began to say- well of course I...wait a minute.

I have been involved in shows since January of 2007.

Yes, I can say - well, I didn't do anything in May, but I was moving and my goodness, that was a production in itself. But, I realized, that out of all my goals - most of which have been going by the side of the road - I did accomplish that one. I have been doing theatre for over a straight year now. And, for a lot of it, I have been getting a stipend. So, paid work at that.

This is definitely where I say - be careful what you wish for.

I also feel that I have learned a lot in this year in the theatre world as well. And, on occasion, I have been called upon by peers in my different fields for suggestions, recommendations and knowledge that for some odd reason, I possess. I am starting to feel like the little engine that could. I am starting to see the top of the hill.

The only thing I wonder now is - what is over the top and will I enjoy the ride. Or am I just about to go out of control?