But, he also has a lot more time than I do. I have a boss that sneaks up behind me at work. He does not.
Back to the journey.
I got accepted into Fight Fest and told I will perform during one of the Cabaret nights. So, not only am I in, I only have one chance to make it work. Seriously, no pressure.
I then begin to fret about finances. I will be fitting the bill all on my own. But, I realize that if I can save $100 or so a month, I may be able to pull it off like I envisioned. However, I start crunching numbers and the costumes alone could eat up more than 1/2 my budget. Then, there is rehearsal space, building the zombie rigs - and all of this for a 10 minute piece. I began to think that maybe I should pull out. Besides all the money I am going to be dumping into it, I have pretty much guaranteed myself that I would not have a break until after the December holidays. This is a long time for me seeing that I hadn't really had a break since February at this point and summer was here.
Of course I decide to do it. Being honest here - I went in kicking and screaming the whole time. It was so overwhelming. I try to pride myself on my amazing organizational skills and being able to take a project and break it down. I was letting the big picture overwhelm me and finding the one piece that wouldn't work and trying to quit.
As I write all of this, I realize that a lot of my frustrations and fear was not alien to me. This is all stuff I had gone through with other theatre companies, producing with Nosedive, etc. Just this time I was doing it alone and it felt, oh so very alone. People could give me advice or when I was panicking about something trivial that I had dealt with in the past, giving me the confused sidways glance. But there was no one who was truly devoted to this project as much as me. There was no one cracking the whip or giving me reminders to do things like I have for years with others. I had to remember to do it all. I had to be the one asking for help.
And there's the kicker folks. Asking for help. I suck at it.
But, I got it done. I did eventually really start relying on the kindness of friends and strangers (who are now friends) and getting it done. And, having a much bigger success that I could have imagined. A full house on a blizzard night. What more could you ask for? And, the performance being perfect. It was one of the greater nights of my life.
So, thank you to all who helped, thank you Brick for accepting me. It was a great challenge and success.
I'm actually going to stop writing about self-producing. Tons of people are doing that now. I have something else to write about...you'll see.