One of my ideas with this blog was to give people who were significant others or just the people themselves going out on tour, some information, hopefully helpful about the before during and after. So, here we go.
Having a loved one away on a tour is very hard. You may have a strong relationship, you may think you are 100% prepared for it, but, I believe, it is much harder than you think.
I thought, when my husband and I were talking about his tour and me being away in Ireland 3 weeks prior, that everything would be fine. We would get through it. 4 months is not that long.
We got to see each other twice - after I got back from Ireland - a weekend in Boston. That was 4 weeks without seeing each other, but we had done a month and a 1/2 before when Scot was recording in Tuscon, Az. This was in the infancy of our relationship and everything had gone just fine.
The second time was a total of about 48 hours in NYC. Scot came down from Boston. That was after about a total of 4 more weeks since we last had seen each other in Boston.
Now, it has officially been 2 months since we have seen each other (we of course have been talking on the phone everyday). And, we will be seeing each other in 2 weeks. I am so excited that I believe my head will actually explode, not kidding. I'll try and get video.
There are two pieces of advise I can give people who are staying behind while the other is on tour.
1. Always know that it is going to be much harder than you can ever imagine. Think about how hard it will be and multiply that by a million. Everything goes into a holding pattern. You are neither moving forward or backwards. You are stuck in limbo. You come home to the empty apartment/house with the pictures and the smells of the one you love who is oh, so far away. You want to cuddle up with an old t-shrit of theirs and just stay that way until they come home. You want to try and meet them wherever they are on weekends. The weeks fly at first, then they slow down to almost a complete halt. It is painful.
2. When you do get a chance to see them, as much as you want to, don't talk about business. The bill payments, the apartment problems, the information you need from them so that you can finish up the application for this or that. With email, you can shoot them a quick email and ask for these things. You don't need to do it while you are with them. Use this time to get to know each other again, play, chat, see a movie, etc. Love is first, business will take care of itself.
I can not say that this time apart has not been fruitful - it has. I have learned a lot about myself these past few weeks. One thing I have learned is that I am a much stronger and resourceful person than I thought. I think when someone is so wonderful to you and just wants to make you happy, like my husband does, you grow to depend on that and at times, take it for granted. When the carpet is pulled out from under you, you are thrown into the deep end, the tail has gotten longer and the rocking chairs are getting closer - you find that you have two choices - stay on your ass and pray that it all goes away or get off your ass and do something about it. I am off my ass and running. Hopefully, running the right way.
So, the countdown has begun. The clock ticks ever so slowly.