Today would have been his 66Th birthday.
I had been contemplating when to take down the memorial on my web page - has it been up there long enough or has my page become more about death and my father? This will be the last day that it stays at the top of my page. Tomorrow, it will move. I was going to take the whole thing off, but my dad was such a part of my life and made me who I am, that he deserves a spot on my blog.
And, I am not saying that in a few days, weeks or months, you won't be getting another "dad" story or memory. I feel that this is one process I can blog about without hurting feelings or others. And, it's a part of every one's life - everyone will go through this, the act of loosing a parent.
So, today is kind of a rough day. It really hit me last night. I don't know if this has happened to you, but I have had a tendency in my life, that after someone has died, forgetting they are gone. You go through the motions, the funeral, the grieving all of that, then you go on with your life. Then one day, you are talking with someone and blurt out, I should get that for or I should tell "insert dead loved one here". Last night was one of those moments. Where I got excited for a second that tomorrow was my dad's birthday. Then, almost instantly, my mood swung to the other side.
I then began to remember those years when I was super busy (even more than I am now) and would suddenly realize that my father's birthday was a day or two away. And, running out to get a birthday gift or card, knowing it would be getting to him late. But, also knowing that a call to him would be his ideal gift. He would say, "You don't (or didn't) have to get me anything, kiddo. Just talking to you is a gift enough." There may have been one or two days over my ... years, where I suddenly realized at midnight or the next day that I had missed my dad's birthday. I would run to the phone or, now, yank it out of my pocket and call him immediately. In those situations he would just say don't worry about it. "I'm too old for birthday's anyway."
Here's to you pops. Happy Birthday.
In other news, some of you have been asking about the smoking cut down. I smoked my one during the day and only had 2 at home last night. That's right - only 3 in one day. And, by the by, it is weird that I am proud of such a fact, seeing that a few years ago, I could go 3 or 4 days without having none. Oh well! Oh and the rule for March is: only 1 during working hours. I can have up to 2 if I am just at home. 5 if I am going out. And, for theatre work - as many as I like, which has been about 3 or 4, depending on the night. Weekends is still smoke if you got em'.
(And by the way - Thank you dear readers - checked out my readership the other day and it has almost tripled - thanks for passing my link, adding it or what have you. It's so nice to know there are more than 5 people reading this. :) )